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JOKES FOR TODAY:: POSTED 1/2/07::
Blonde Jokes::
Drinking Blonde
A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her
on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a
day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see
you, youll have lost at least five pounds.Ҕ
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20
pounds.
Why, thatӒs amazing! the doctor said. ԓDid you follow my
instructions?
The blonde nodded. ԓIll tell you though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that third day.Ҕ
From hunger, you mean?Ӕ asked the doctor.
No, from skipping.Ӕ
JOKES FOR TODAY:: POSTED 12/16/06::
How Women
Get To Heaven
A small boy walks into his
mother's room and catches her topless.
"Mommy, Mommy, what are those?" he says pointing to her breasts.
"Well, son," she says, These are balloons, and when you die, they
inflate and float you up to heaven."
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off
quite
satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes
into the kitchen. "Mommy, mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!"
"What do you mean?" says his mother.
"Well she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her
balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling,
"God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!"
Bad
Bathroom Experience
Bob goes into the public rest
room and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no
arms.
As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to
himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him
out.
Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bob replies, "Uh,
yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with
hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful.
Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him.
Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but
I ain't touching it."
Poetry For
Sex
Two friends, a white guy and a
black guy, both work together. The white guy came in late one
morning and his black friend asks where he had been.
The white guy says, "My wife gives me good sex every night and she
kept me up really late last night".
The black guy says "I can't get my wife to have sex with me, no
matter what! How do you do it?"
The white guy says, "I read her poetry every night."
His black friend then asks, "What kind of poetry?"
The white guy replies, "Blondie, blondie, eyes so blue, how I want
to make love to you." Then the white guy tells his friend to go home
and try it - it's a sure thing!
The next morning the black guy was about 2 hours late. When he comes
in, he has a black eye and his arm is in a sling.
The white man asks, "What happened?!"
The black man says, "Man, don't ever speak to me again!"
The curious white man asks, "Well, what did you say to her?"
The black man replies, 'Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog,
bend over bitch, and take it like a dog!!"
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